what ive been doing lately

as you all may know or not i enjoy making jewelry from beads string wire fabric odds and ends i think beadf making is my calling. I want to post a few pics of some of the one of a kind beaded designs ive come up with as of late. I mostly post them on Pintrest.

Anyway despite all the chaos in my life dealing with a teen child of mine(lexi) who got herself in trouble wioth the law thus being deferred to a neighborhood restorative justice program and for now i shall remain silent about that.Only to blog that the wholeness of this event in her life has caused alot of turbulence in all those around her but i would say mostly mine as i take on the part of monitoring her every action or lack there of. There seems to be alot of emotional unhappiness that some days i cant even move and spend most of the day on tears and incredible anxiety,Yet despite all thisa few pieces of jewelry design have made it to completion and at this point i shall attempt to display them.

its christmas day, it doesnt feel like christmas to me a. alot of hype. i am so sad about the state of things in my family. its just a mess and getting worse . i love my kids. this man i married has hurt me so much recently that my spirit is depressed and i just want to die .he has not acknowledged to me any sorrow over wat he has done and the toll it is taking on m heart is rididculously sad.

been a while not much has changed....

how crazy that i stumbled across this blog i started feb 2010.well here it is nov.2011 whats changed is that my children are a few years older but seem to have become some very interesting characters . my oldest son still is into cars aswell as my husband the 2 of them are more alike than they would wish to admit or agree upon.they completly do not get along.and that started with my son having a voice and not getting when to use it around his dad or develop a knowingness of boundry lines. and it really went to a realationship caught in a downward spiral when he rejected that Mustang my husband never got over that and the most hurtful to andrew was when his dad refused to attend his highschool graduation .at that point in time it became probally one of the sadest things i ever saw and must witness .i just dont get it and never will . the result in andrews life is so disturbnig to him that he has very little peace in his heart. It is my greatest wish that hewill be able to move forward and find for himself a place where people love and forgive and are peace loving.

So Whats Next?

I feel like latly everyday is servitude that has produced in me great feelings on angst. I seriously feel like my life is not my own . The past week in a half has revolved around my 17 yr old son and his car issues. he never wanted the beautiful convertible mustang my husband gave to him for his 16th birthday. Its brought nothing but a sence of doom into our family. finally after much emotional trauma my husband rid our lives of that bad karma mustang and allowed my son to purchase a 1990 Nissan in much need of repair and love.this is what my 17 yr old is all about cars hes been fixing and taking them apart a dn drawinfg them since he could toddle around. My husband just doiesn't get it alrthough he purchases cars over and over again Like they say the apple doesn't fall from the tree. So needless to say i have had to play refereee and counselor between the 2 of them for what feels like an eeternity. So yesterday i finally was done with this drama as well as ALL the other things i have to deal with at work like the huge projest due eeerggh Last night i slept around 7 pm and did not wake up until my 19 yr old text me about some ex girlfriend of her boyfriend that made a suicide attempt but thats another blog!